Anxiety Disorder

My Sensory Shutdown Was Not a Panic Attack

STAR Admin — Mon, 22 Oct 2018 20:43:05 +0000

My Sensory Shutdown Was Not a Panic Attack STAR Admin Mon, 10/22/2018 - 20:43

Untethered: it’s a word I’ve often used to describe the feeling of having a sensory shutdown. It’s the moment that my ears, unable to sort through the garbled heap of auditory input, stop trying to form words and derive meaning from sound. It’s when my eyes, unable to weave together fragments of the visual whole in front of me, turn the scenery sharp with parsed, unaffiliated details. It’s the moment my body gives up its battle to make a connection, however shy and tenuous, to the physical space I’m in. Like a helium balloon, I am untied and released with nothing substantial to guide me: not sight, not sound, not physical presence. It’s terrifying but survivable.

Before I knew about these things – how to talk about them, how to explain them to you, I was a child, teenager, and young adult with undiagnosed Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD). I was 14 in the summer of 1997. On family vacation in Quebec, a chatty French-speaking puppeteer and his wooden marionette chased me one evening through a souvenir shop. Absurd, I know. It’s a disturbing pairing in an unusual setting; a strange happening that one might choose to regale others with when one gets home. But for me, undiagnosed and on alert for undefined threats, it was a turning point. There was the moment before the marionette and the moment after, and in between was a massive, gruesome shutdown. Perhaps not my first, but certainly my most severe. I didn’t expect – and couldn’t make sense – of the vile puppet and his friend.

In an effort to shield myself from the barrage of foreign sounds and unusual, jerky movements accosting me, I was forced to disconnect from my senses. I remember sobbing on the stoop of the store, my face pressed into my mother’s stomach. She stood over me, clutching my head and rocking gently. I felt trapped within my own skin and unable to reach the world outside. I worried that I was starting to disappear somehow, that fragments of my body and soul were going missing. I thought: maybe I’ll have to live in this state of purgatory for the rest of my life, neither here nor there, not fully present.

Of course, I didn’t disappear: I just had a neurological difference that no one had identified. Assuming that my challenges were psychological in nature, I started psychotherapy. We analyzed the marionette episode and deemed it a panic attack – something I could learn to work through and minimize. Except it wasn’t that, and neither were the episodes that followed, swiftly and severely, and always, in hindsight, when my senses were most vulnerable. I couldn’t work through or minimize something I wasn’t actually experiencing.

Years later during my first OT evaluation, when I learned about SPD and saw my symptoms in context for the first time, I thought back to the marionette. He’d become a bizarre mascot for the unexplained somethingI’d been searching for since Quebec. It was the first time that my reaction made sense to me. I couldn’t contend with the visual rush of man and puppet, the auditory saturation of language and vocal shift, the unexpected and unusual circumstance in an unfamiliar setting – especially at a late hour, especially in my most vulnerable state. I had SPD and it’d gone overlooked for a long time. That same day, I started writing my blog. I named it Coming to My Sensesbecause for the first time, even the strangest moments of my personal history began to make sense to me. It was like I was waking up.

I make sense in my sensory differences because it’s who I am and how I’m wired. While this knowledge doesn’t make my shutdowns any easier (or meltdowns, for that matter), when I make it through the fog and detachment, when I am able to reboot and reconnect and tether my physical and inner being to the outside world once again, I’m able to explain what happened and what I need to do next.

Not even a puppeteer and his marionette can take that away from me.

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Rachel S. Schneider, M.A., MHC

With a Bachelor's in Psychology from Brandeis University, a Master's in Mental Health Counseling from the Ferkauf Graduate School of Psychology at Yeshiva University, and through my own experiences as an adult with SPD, I advocate on behalf of those like me who searched for years to find the explanation for their particular sensory challenges. I am passionate about SPD and how it affects adults. In common parlance, SPD is a childhood disorder, but this fails to recognize the innumerable adults who lacked a proper diagnosis in childhood, and now must learn to redefine themselves and their abilities in adulthood.

After my own diagnosis, I hungrily searched for material to support and validate my own experiences, but very little existed for delayed-diagnosis sensory adults. I began writing my blog, Coming to My Senses, to serve as an intimate picture of SPD diagnosis and treatment in adulthood.

by Rachel S. Schneider, M.A., MHC

Adults and SPD

Sensory Processing Disorder

Anxiety Disorder

Sensory Processing Disorder: It’s Not… Something You Outgrow

STAR Admin — Mon, 23 Oct 2017 20:56:59 +0000

Sensory Processing Disorder: It’s Not… Something You Outgrow STAR Admin Mon, 10/23/2017 - 20:56

The “Terrible-Twos”. Separation anxiety. Night terrors. These conditions are closely associated with childhood. They can cause misery to child, caregiver and family alike. They bring distress, angst, loss of sleep, and unfortunately, sometimes the need for professional intervention. What these childhood conditions generally share as a group is the tendency for people to “outgrow” them as they age. In general, we view “childhood conditions” as just that – issues we need only worry about with children. Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) is also a condition most commonly associated with children. But is that accurate? Do children grow out of SPD, like the childhood conditions listed above?

SPD is not an “acquired” condition – meaning that a person does not suddenly develop SPD as the result of illness or injury. SPD is there from very early in life (potentially in-utero), and if it goes unchecked, can create a whole host of issues. For example, children with SPD often present with significant feeding issues that can impact their growth, physical health, bowel and bladder functions, and even brain development. We also know that sensory problems in childhood are correlated with an array of childhood psychiatric symptoms (e.g. anxiety, ADHD, ASD) and difficulties with social-emotional and behavioral functioning (Miller, Neilsen, Schoen, & Brett-Green, 2009). But what every parent wants to know is, “Will my child just outgrow this?” Unfortunately, the answer – like the condition itself – is complex. We simply do not have evidence that children can “outgrow” SPD if it is left untreated. In fact, there is evidence to the contrary. Research has shown a strong correlation between SPD symptoms in childhood and adulthood (Rosenthal, M.Z., 2013). But what does that mean, exactly? If SPD is left unchecked, without intervention, what can that look like in an adult?

One of the areas hit hardest by SPD is emotional functioning. It is often the driving force behind a family seeking help. Chronic emotional dysregulation in a child can impact daily functioning, social-emotional development, school performance, and family quality-of-life. The impact of SPD on emotional functioning has long been understood (Amthauer, Miller, Brett-Green, Coll, Schoen, 2004). Social and emotional responses rely heavily on the brain’s ability to make sense of sensory information. Inaccurate information from processing deficits results in aversive emotional reactions from which maladaptive behaviors grow. A person’s behaviors, and other people’s reactions to those behaviors, influence an individual’s sense of self (Rosenthal, M.Z., presentation, 2013). For a child, this may mean feeling out of control, “different”, or unable to trust themselves. These feelings may further develop into signs of anxiety or depression. For adults, the picture does not improve. There is evidence that links some mental health disorders with sensory over-responsivity (SOR), a subtype of SPD. Reports of significant SOR in childhood has been associated with adulthood depressive symptoms, anxiety symptoms, negative emotions, poor self-concept, neuroticism, and inattention. Adulthood SOR has been linked to higher incidences of depressive symptoms, anxiety disorders, introversion, negative emotions and poor self-concept (Rosenthal, M.Z., 2013; Kinnealey & Fuiek, 1999).

So, is that it, then? A diagnosis of SPD translates to an adulthood of social-emotional strife? No, of course not. Many factors go into both a child’s and an adult’s ability to improve and manage their SPD and the impact it has on their life. Some factors are obvious: a safe and supportive home life, proper nutrition, adequate sleep, early identification, and appropriate intervention. Others are harder to pin down: temperament (the hard-wired part of personality), genetic disposition, intrinsic motivation, and relationships with others are just a few of the “it” factors that impact how SPD presents itself and the effect it has on life as a person ages. And even though research in the field continues to grow and uncover some of the many mysteries of SPD, researchers have not yet discovered “secret sauce” – how to predict what exact constellation of interventions are needed at key moments in development. What we do know is that not addressing SPD and the problems associated with it can have significant negative outcomes.

As it stands today, many more resources are available to young children with SPD and their families than to adolescents and adults with SPD. The vast majority of sensory-trained clinicians are pediatric-based (usually that means 0-12 years). Services are most accessible through sensory trained Occupational Therapists (OTs) providing early intervention and school-based therapies. The field narrows considerably once a child ages out of these options, but narrow does not mean non-existent.

There is a growing number of sensory-trained therapists specializing in the adolescent and adult populations, and their unique set of needs. Exploration and use of sensory equipment is still common with these older populations. But instead of the focus being on play themes, imagination and games as it is with children, OTs put more focus on the adolescent and adult client actively engaging at a more cognitive level, with attention to understanding what SPD is, and bringing a client’s attention to what and how different sensory experiences affect them emotionally and physiologically. Biological markers such as heart rate, breathing patterns, and muscle tension are used to help a client become aware of how their system processes certain sensory-based experiences. Older clients work on recognizing their own sensory constellation, what is comforting, and what is dysregulating. Then, with an OTs guidance, they apply this knowledge to their own real-world occupations by developing plans and strategies for support implementation, compensations, and regulating sensory experiences. Treatment may occur weekly or on a consultative basis depending on the needs of the client. Although the current number of adolescent and adult sensory specialists is far lower than those of their pediatric-focused colleagues, the number is steadily increasing as awareness of the unique needs and presentations of adolescent and adult populations grows. And OTs are not alone. More and more mental health providers are recognizing the connection between SPD and emotional well-being and are seeking out training and consultation from sensory-based OTs.

Laughter. Contentment. Hope. Joy. These conditions are not closely associated with a particular age or developmental stage, but instead with an individual empowered through understanding and addressing their SPD.

If you are looking for SPD treatment for yourself or your child fill out a child or adult intake form now to be treated at STAR Institute Treatment Center or search our Treatment Directory to find services in your area.

Mim Ochsenbein, MSW, OTR/L has been a practicing pediatric occupational therapist for over 20 years. She has received advanced training in sensory processing (STAR Institute Intensive Mentorships, SIPT certification), listening therapy (Therapeutic Listening), feeding therapy (SOS) and infant massage (CIMI). Mim received her MSW in 2012. Her work with children and youth has occurred in a variety of settings including early intervention, school based, clinic based, mental health and private practice. In her role as STAR Insitute’s Director of Education, Mim creates and teaches STAR Institute trainings, oversees SPD University, and provides educational programming and resources for clients and families.

by Mim Ochsenbein, MSW, OTR/L

Adults and SPD

Sensory Processing Disorder

Sensory Anxiety: Not Your Ordinary Anxiety

STAR Admin — Tue, 17 Oct 2017 21:10:38 +0000

Sensory Anxiety: Not Your Ordinary Anxiety STAR Admin Tue, 10/17/2017 - 21:10

Let's talk about something that nearly every single person with sensory issues has to deal with: ANXIETY. Gosh! Even the word itself sets me on edge.

For people with Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD), anxiety comes as part of the package. It's the bonus prize that nobody wants.

SPD and Anxiety work together to cause mayhem. They play off each other, and create a spiral effect of symptoms.

Strangely, when we talk about sensory problems, anxiety is rarely part of that conversation. The focus is always on the sensory part of SPD. But I would like to shed some light on the chaos that anxiety can cause when it's teamed up with SPD, and why it's different than non-sensory anxiety.

But first, it's time for a little story; a short tale of my own experience with sensory anxiety to set the stage. The following is the true and slightly uncomfortable reality of my life:

I've always been told that the best - and perhaps only - way to conquer anxiety is to put myself into situations that make me anxious, and to push through it.

(Whatever that means.)

I've done this for years.

I've done this most recently through college, where every morning before my commute to school, I had to give myself extra time because of anxiety-induced diarrhea and nausea. My agonizing stomach cramps and bathroom visit occurred daily, without fail. (I told you this was going to be an uncomfortable story.) I couldn't stomach food for hours…but, only on the days when I had school. There are no such things as coincidences in this magical sensory life.

Once I made it to school, I often had to give myself even more time to find a bathroom and change my shirt, which would've been soaked in sweat before my first class even began. I spent the large part of my day feeling enormously dizzy. My face hurt from a clenched jaw and the muscles in my back were sore from tension.

Often, I bought myself a warm drink in an attempt to soothe my trembling body, which was trembling on account of being both anxious and also cold. (Fact: when the body is anxious, blood rushes to the main organs, leaving the extremities feeling cold and/or numb.)

I'd come home at the end of the day and nap for an unreasonable amount of time, like 6 hours. My body was depleted, from what I assumed was sensory overload. One day it occurred to me that I was not only physically and emotionally exhausted from SPD, but also from my anxiety that was caused by my SPD. Then the anxiety and SPD and feeling helpless and feeling hopeless made me seriously depressed. Would the fun ever end? I wondered.

I went to college for four and a half years. I pushed through my debilitating anxiety every day, and wouldn't you know it, the last day of college rolled along, and that morning I had diarrhea and a sweat-soaked shirt. Just like the first day.

The End!

I know, I know. It was a truly riveting tale. One that will certainly go down in history as one of the greatest stories known to man. But let's get back to what matters here. Physical symptoms of anxiety are only one part of the equation.

At the end of the day, I learned that pushing through my anxiety did nothing to help alleviate it. All it did was make me miserable and feel like I was weak for not being able to get rid of my symptoms.

Since that time, I've come to realize that the reason traditional methods of alleviating anxiety were not working for me was because I had a very good reason to be anxious.

Now it's time to introduce the second part of this equation: Sensory Processing Disorder.

In my case, my SPD has gifted me with overwhelming sensory sensitivity and the inability to function when having to process multiple sensory stimuli. In most environments, like a classroom for example, my body picks up on the sounds, smells, textures, and even the vibe in the air to an outrageous extent. My sensory brain is turned up to the highest setting and it isn't very good at turning off.

As one can imagine, having SPD is not fun. Anybody who says it is, well, they are a goober. It's called a disorder for a reason. It's not called Sensory Processing Fun Times All Around (SPFTAA). Although, I admit that would be a cool thing.

Dear reader who I love so very much even though I've never met you,

If you can relate to my gastrointestinal distress in sensory-ugly environments, please take comfort in the fact that what you are feeling both physically and emotionally is very normal. For instance, when the sound of most people’s voices is loud to the point of severe discomfort, being in a place with lots of people talking is going to give you anxiety. It makes sense.

Let's briefly recap and take a look at the complete equation. Keep in mind, I spent a lot of time making this:

Consider this:

You wouldn't say to someone, "hey, I know there's a hungry shark in this swimming pool, and every time you've gone in he's bitten you, BUT you don't need to be anxious about swimming because if you keep going in, he won't bite you anymore!"

Yet, we've been telling ourselves, "hey self, I know you have SPD, and every time you go into a sensory unfriendly environment it's super distressing, but you don't need to be anxious this time because if you keep pushing through it, you won't have anxiety anymore!"

This concept of pushing through anxiety often works for regular, non-sensory anxiety. Allow me to demonstrate:

When you were five you went to a birthday party. A person waved a bunch of balloons around your face and you FREAKED OUT. Fast forward ten years later, and you have anxiety whenever you see balloons.

To alleviate this kind of anxiety, you start to spend time around balloons. Maybe you go into a room where someone has placed a balloon. Maybe next time, you move a bit closer to it. After that, you touch one. Your balloon-related anxiety slowly improves over time. You are able to push through the anxiety by addressing the irrational thoughts and fears you experience, and replacing them with rational ones. "Balloons aren't scary. I do not need to feel anxious around them. I am ok."

**I'd like to note that when I say regular anxiety I do not mean less anxiety. Anxiety from having a neurological condition like SPD is a different kind of anxiety, not more or less severe than anxiety from other things.**

Now let me demonstrate how this concept does not work for sensory anxiety:

When you were six you went to a birthday party. You are sound sensitive, and during the party, kids were popping balloons. It upset you deeply. Fast forward ten years later, and you have anxiety whenever you see balloons.

To alleviate this kind of anxiety, being around balloons will not reduce your anxious feelings because you are still sound sensitive, and balloons could potentially pop at any time. If they pop, it will scare you the same every time.

WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN?

The reason people with sensory problems have recurring, stubborn anxiety is because many SPD'ers lack the ability to habituate (become accustomed to) new information. Our unique sensory systems do not do well with what I refer to as POTENTIAL stimuli. We like routine and predictability. But a lot of sensory stimuli are neither of those things. The world is full of random, unusual and unpredictable things. When you have a brain that struggles to make sense of the predictable - let alone the unpredictable - it's easy to understand why anxiety is the result.

WHAT DOES SENSORY ANXIETY FEEL LIKE?

When you have anxiety from sensory issues, it presents itself the same way non-sensory anxiety does; the symptoms are virtually the same. It can be hard to distinguish between sensory overload and anxiety. Most commonly, SPD anxiety can look like this:

However, if you notice, the symptoms of sensory anxiety are similar to symptoms of a freeze response. Unless the sensory stimulation or the anxiety reaches a breaking point, people with SPD tend to literally freeze during an anxiety crisis. The meltdown and shutdown occurs after, when they are in a safer space to let it all out. Of course, this doesn't always happen so nicely, and sometimes you find yourself completely dissociated and about to vomit from a fire drill in the middle of the hallway at school. It's equal parts inconvenient and embarrassing!

HOW DO I HANDLE SENSORY ANXIETY?

Consider the source! To fix or improve sensory anxiety, you have to learn what sensory-related problems give you anxiety in the first place. You don't want to keeping jumping into the swimming pool with the shark. Remove that shark before you go swimming!

Here are some of my favorite, tried-and-true methods for relieving anxiety when it's tied to sensory issues:

Make it known: Tell people around you that you have sensory issues. Explain specifically what you struggle with (noise, physical contact, need for fidgeting). When more people are aware of it, the more likely your surroundings will be a sensory-safe space, which will reduce your anxiety. People can't help you remove the shark from the swimming pool if they don't know it's there.
Alternatives and Avoidance: I tell people this all the time, and I'm saying it again. It's very much ok to avoid the anxiety-producing event all together. Perhaps there is another swimming pool without any sharks. Or perhaps you do not have to swim today. It's very much acceptable to turn down an offer to swim if you know you'll be bitten by sharks.
Gear up: Sometimes, you have to swim with sharks. The best thing to do is to prepare your physical and emotional state for this encounter. Some sensory anxiety can't be avoided, and when that happens, gear up your sensory self in the ways that work for you. Maybe you need to jump on a trampoline, or use a Wilbarger brush, or use a fidget. Allow yourself time to do what you need to ahead of time.
Make time to bounce back: In the event that you did have to swim with a shark, and there was no time to prepare beforehand, it's necessary to dedicate time and energy to letting your sensory anxiety calm down afterward. Just like preparing beforehand, it's crucial to give yourself time to bounce back after.

With all that in mind, I must conclude with this: experiencing anxiety from having sensory issues is normal, common, and expected. Don't beat yourself up about it. Your brain is reacting as any brain would under the circumstances. I know some days the anxiety can be crippling. Other days, it can seem like it's on a permanent vacation! Flip-flopping like that can be draining and confusing.

Pushing through sensory anxiety won't work to alleviate it, but that doesn't mean you should stop pushing the boundaries of your life as a person with sensory issues. You don't have to go in the shark pool, but it's probably to your advantage to go up the edge and take a peek.

Please Support

Project 2.4 Billion

Help us make information about sensory processing

challenges available in 6 additional languages.

If you are looking for SPD treatment for yourself or your child fill out a child or adult intake form now to be treated at STAR Institute Treatment Center or search our Treatment Directory to find services in your area.

Kelly Dillon is an adult with Sensory Processing Disorder, and the writer and illustrator of the blog Eating Off Plastic, where she humorously chronicles her life with SPD. She is a proud SPD advocate for children, teens, and adults. Kelly enjoys creature comforts, pacing in small rooms, and cupcakes. She has her Bachelor’s Degree in Psychology from SUNY New Paltz. Visit her website!

by Kelly Dillon

Anxiety Disorder

Adults and SPD

Sensory Processing Disorder

Supporting My Child Through Sensory Processing Disorder and Anxiety

STAR Admin — Mon, 03 Oct 2016 16:27:27 +0000

Supporting My Child Through Sensory Processing Disorder and Anxiety STAR Admin Mon, 10/03/2016 - 16:27

As a parent of a child with SPD and anxiety, I feel like the stars have somehow been out of alignment since that very first moment at the age of two, when I realized we had a serious issue on our hands. Do not get me wrong! I absolutely love my daughter and her way of judging the character of people she encounters in her life. The complex process of maneuvering evaluations is a topic for another day, not to mention the emotions that go along with that. Each year we attended IEP meetings, battle for services when required, and practiced strategies. We have felt like we took one step forward, and two steps back. At times, I’ve felt like we are walking a tight rope without a thick mat to catch our fall. We are fortunate that I am an educator, were able to maneuver the system with some ease and had some wonderful therapists along the way to give us advice. There were times I looked into the stars and wondered… Couldn’t we just have everything aligned? Instead of constantly fighting some obstacle, like noise in a gym, or a vaccination, or the fear of sticky bandages. As the years passed, she seemed to be coping and holding it together in school, but she was fighting an internal battle.

At the age of nine, I watched my daughter falling backwards. My husband and I struggled and wondered what curveball we were being thrown? I knew deep down it was SPD. The teacher in me was screaming internally and I had a million questions with no answers. Thoughts of ADHD, ADD, and every other acronym started to consume my thoughts. Each day the temper tantrums increased, and our frustration rose. I reached out to her teachers, but it was too late. She had already shut down because she believed they did not care about her. I was concerned about her emotional well being and they wanted to talk academics. I knew third grade was going to be a loss. The stars were definitely not aligned and I felt like we were heading into a meteor shower. After months we learned we could add anxiety to the list of struggles that she was dealing with on a daily basis. At this point, I wondered which was worse, the anxiety or the SPD? The anxiety seemed to be worse at this point. I wondered if we could ever manage her anxiety, help her cope with SPD, and have her succeeding in school? She started medication and for six months we tried out different levels of dosage. In time, we added therapy to the mix of our busy family, I was going to continue to fight for her as I always had. The lists of fears were endless. The bully of her fears was named Icky, and one by one we took on Icky. I was shocked. As I sat with her in therapy each week we conquered one fear at a time, beginning with bandages. Slowly, the time between sessions increased and we all started to see changes.

The last challenge of her anxiety was conquering the emotional eating. The emotional eating had rapidly made the scale climb and her clothes tighten. I worried about her being bullied in school because of her weight and it happened at times. We all agreed the medicine and therapy needed to be in place before we do anything about the emotional eating. As school ended I dug my heels in and decided it was time. I had one month until her yearly physical. Again, I found myself on a mission and we changed the way the whole family was eating for a month. Then, we went to see a nutritionist.

Well, this past Saturday my husband and I had an appointment with our daughter to discuss her transition to middle school. Three weeks before she was a mess, but we followed all the transition strategies and she has come out on the other side without a hint of anxiety. I started to feel like Icky had released my child from its grasp. All of a sudden, the stars are aligned. Her therapist turned to us and said she is doing wonderfully and does not need to come on a regular basis. She can come whenever she needs to, but she is doing wonderful.

For this one brief moment all the stars aligned for her, until the next hurdle. The moral of this story is remember, that no matter what the diagnosis, how many problems develop, or how bad of a day you just had, at some point the stars will align for your child, even if it is just for a brief moment in time. Also, you are never alone with your struggle of SPD and anxiety. Today, I will breathe and appreciate the stars being aligned.

If you are looking for SPD treatment for yourself or your child fill out a child or adult intake form now to be treated at STAR Institute Treatment Center or search our Treatment Directory to find services in your area.

Kim Jacobs lives in the state of New York with her husband of 21 years and currently works in an urban school district. She has a wonderful family of three children, two girls and a boy. Their ages are 15, 10, and 7 respectively. She is a teacher that has worked with toddlers to fifth graders in her twenty year education career. Over the years, she has developed a passion for advocating for children with Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) and anxiety due to the diagnosis of her daughter. At the age of two, her daughter was diagnosed with SPD followed by a diagnosis of anxiety at the age of nine years old.

by Kim Jacobs

Sensory Processing Disorder

Anxiety Disorder

Occupational Therapy